Naked in the airport – the first few weeks

…so after a great send-off by friends, ma, Mark, Melba and Tucker/Hall folk, I touched down in Panama a little over three weeks ago, and so far it’s been quite an adventure. The trip here went without a hitch, well…except for my ginormous suitcases weighing in at 8 pounds over the limit. I ended up stuffing boxers, shoes and a year’s supply of Rogaine in my carry-on, which all came out at the security check. Something kept the metal detector singing, so they took me to the “Naughty terrorist” room. I’d like to say I was lyin’, but I was actually strip-searched in the Jacksonville airport. It turns out the Gap sews these little metal security tags in their jeans so you can’t walk out the store wearing them. I wish I’d known that before I was standing in my dainties in an airport security room...good times.

The flight over was great, but when did they start skimping on the food? And no free booze on international flights? The injustice... The guy sitting next to me was just as disgusted. He used to live in Panama for years and was telling me all about how the Spanish used to haul their looted Incan gold over the isthmus to the Atlantic. Every now and then, they’d drop a few gold coins and other Peruvian artifacts. So he and his buddies used to take metal detectors and find a few golden objects. I think I might start looking.

My first night was spent at The Hotel California…such a lovely place. It was also my first experience with the Panamanian heat – it’s REALLY hot, and I can’t stop sweating. The lack of a/c isn't too bad - I've just got to strategically place myself under one of the many overhead fans...always. Can't stop sweating...



The next day I met my two Venezuelan roommates, whose “un poquito de English” includes some choice cuss words and whatever they got from American Idol. They’re nice guys studying orthodontics. In my rusty Spanish, I think I agreed to get grillz. Dental work in Latin America...from a couple students...sounds like a great idea. Seriously, my Spanish was pretty bad when I got here. Plus one of my roomies is kind of a mumbler, so it made for an interesting first couple weeks.

Theme song

Panama - Van Halen's best...too bad the song has nothing to do with the country.

Roomies

We had a lot of bets going about my two Venezuelan roommates, Cesar and Tadeo, before I came to Panama. I didn’t really know what to expect. My contact at the university set us up a few weeks before I arrived, and I signed on to live with these guys in a two-bedroom, one bath apartment for a year, sight unseen. Fortunately, I lost all those bets, and my worst fears never came true.

They’re both normal, Latin American Idol-loving Venezuelans who don’t mind sharing everything, like… my toothbrush and shower soap. They feel quite comfortable with me and don’t feel the least bit shy about hanging out all day in their tightie whities. We tenderly refer to each other as “juevon,” the Spanish version of jackass. I've quickly learned that locker room talk transcends any cultural barriers, and dirty words provide instant entertainment as they roll off a foreign tongue. My Spanish my still be rusty, but after intense training from my roommates, I can talk perversely in about 15 different Spanish ways. Whatever bridges that cultural gap, right?



Although we’ve got a few cultural differences, we get along famously. It just might be due to the bonding power of the country’s national fermented sugar cane drink – seco. That stuff is awful. I could probably use it to degrease my car or at least clean out a drain. It must be brewed in the pits of Hades, because this devil juice is fierce. But it does taste surprisingly delicious with just the right amount of tonic and lime.

The guys are great cooks and make fresh food every day. It’s like I’ve got my own personal chefs. My hearty contribution is washing the dishes and taking out the occasional trash. I’m actually learning a lot from these guys- like how to make coffee with a pair of fine pantyhose, preferably unused. Today, I made my first empanada, a tasty deep-fried Latin Hot Pocket. Yum.

Apartment

Panama City has many contrasting neighborhoods. From the uber-wealthy Punta Paitilla with its numerous sky-scraping condos dotting the shoreline to the many dilapidated huddled shanties, Panama has it all.

My apartment fortunately falls somewhere in between. I live close to school, right off Sauce Street. It’s definitely a change from my one-bedroom/kitchen shoebox in Orlando. The place is actually pretty nice for Latin American standards – we’ve got cable, internet and constant running water and electricity. When I interned in the Dominican Republic, we’d have rolling blackouts for 12 hours at times.

The only thing I don’t like is our stove. It's a gas burner, and our grill lighter is out of juice. So you have to turn on the gas and then click the lighter until the spark catches. Seriously, I don’t have any hair left on my knuckles – it’s all singed off!

Panamanians

Panamanians seem to be sincerely friendly. What’s that George Burns quote? “The most important thing to succeed in life is sincerity. And if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” Well, these people seem to be pretty sincere and are always enthusiastic to help out a wayward gringo. I don’t know how many times I’ve been lost in this city and have had the fortune of meeting a kind stranger who showed me the way. It may just be that I always look unquestionably lost, but I always seem to get some help.



In all my travels, I’ve noticed that we gringos aren’t particularly liked these days. But I haven’t felt any anti-American sentiment here. The people don’t seem to harbor any prejudice against us. That’s good news, because there’s no way I could pass as Latin with this pasty white skin. Many Panamanians are just excited to meet someone to practice their English with. A lot of them speak it pretty well.

I’ve noticed that many Latinos are shy about their English. They’ll tell me they speak a little English and end up being practically fluent. I on the other hand, tell everybody I speak great Spanish, and well...let’s just say it’s getting better.



Being in a developing country, you always have to watch your back and expect that people will try to take advantage of the tourist. It might not be too PC, but it’s part of learning how to survive here. When I was in the Dominican Republic, I felt always on guard and leery of everyone. The country had just come out of huge economic meltdown that placed a lot people into poverty. Since desperate people tend to render desperate deeds, I was ripped off often and even chased for money. Panama seems to be different. The economic stability from the canal has kept the country wealthier than many Latin American countries. I think as a result, the people are more well off and don’t have to resort to tricking Johnny Gringo. Also, tourism here is still in its infancy. The culture of relying on tourist money has not really taken root. Thank goodness -it tends to keep things more authentic.

Where to find the hottest girls and Johnny Blackmon

This one’s for the fellas - I've already found out where to meet the hottest girls! Check out the picture. She's actually part of one of the many indigenous tribes here, the Kuna Yala, who live either integrated into Panamanian modern society or in semiautonomous reservations called Comarcas, living much like they have for over 500 years. Most get by on less than a buck a day and survive under subsistence living through farming, fishing and hunting. My dad could have probably fit in well with these guys. He almost missed Karl’s birth because he was out hunting. Karl was almost named Hunter.



The Kuna have embraced tourism to boost their economic condition for decades. They sell a lot of handicrafts and welcome tourists to their famous San Blas islands, and if all goes as planned, they’ll be welcoming me too (ain’t that right Melinda)! I bought a cool little handmade musical instrument from the lady in the picture, but still haven’t figured out how to play anything on it.

Panama is quite a melting pot with its mix of ethnicities. There are plenty of Chinese descendents, who came to build the Panama Railroad in the 19th century. They all seem to own corner stores and laundry mats and work 7 days a week. Seriously, I get my shirts ironed (possibly the worst chore ever) for 40 cents a pop right below my apartment. The store is owned by a Chinese family. The cute clerk works every single day.

What astounds me with the diverse ethnic mix is Panama’s complete and utter lack of political correctedness. Best of all, nobody cares. Case in point: there’s a TV show on every Saturday night that’s kind of a variety show/SNL. Every week, one of the comedians dresses up like just about every ethnicity in the country and pokes fun at the cultural differences. Everybody laughs and nobody is offended, even when Cecilio Brown and Johnny Blackmon don afros and make jokes about Panama through the eyes of a...you guessed it, black mon.

It’s great that many Latinos use ethnic terms and physical descriptions for nicknames and terms of endearmen...but I still can’t help but get all fired up when someone calls me a gringo..ha!

Diablos Rojos

My first real taste of Panama came when leaving the airport - out in the distance, I caught a giant neon red object coming straight for our car. Nothing to be afraid of, said my driver, just a giant Red Devil. It was one of the country's notorious Diablos Rojos - Panama's ingenious blend of neon art, American pop culture and.... public transportation.

Old school buses from the U.S. make their way down the Central American highway and get a huge facelift here in Panama. Bus drivers take immense pride in adorning their buses with the most colorful and interesting graphic arts and accessories. If you've never seen a bus with a fishtail, well you aren't missing too much, but watching one cruise the streets always brings a smile.

Yesterday, I caught a glimpse of my favorite- on the side of an '82 Blue Bird were bright airbrushed renditions of Wolverine, Tweetie Bird and Godzilla. For some reason, Latins love Tweetie and the Taz. I'll do some more research to figure out exactly why.

At night, these roving Saturday Morning Cartoons are resplendent in bright neon lights covering the entire front and sides. I'll try to get some shots and post them soon.

First Rotary Club meeting

Last Monday, I went to my first Rotary Club meeting in Panama on the 29th floor of the Global Bank building.

What a view! The place was amazing and the spread of food was pretty tasty.

The Rotarians were especially welcoming, and their hospitality was world-class. My host counselor Franz was the first to greet me and introduced me to a number Rotarians, who all seemed to speak better English than me.

I was really surprised with their fluency. Many had studied in the U.S. and had returned to Panama to lead businesses or create their own. One lady started a consultancy business dealing with counterfeiting – big business in Latin America. She told me that many counterfeiters take bills of Venezuelan Bolivares, scrub them clean of any ink and make greenbacks out of them. Supposedly, the Bolivares have the most similar feel and paper weight of any foreign currency. And since a buck will nab you 2,862 Bolivares, scrubbing a few clean won’t set anybody back too much.

I noticed how prevalent counterfeiting is when I tried to use a Fifty in a grocery store (Panama uses U.S. dollars as its national currency). The clerk acted like it was a billion dollar bill and almost didn’t take it.

Most places other than banks won’t take bills in 50 or 100-dollar denomination, and if they do, they’ll make you sign your life away on some register. They take down your passport number and have you sign an agreement promising the bill isn’t a fake.

Anyways, the club was hosting the district governor, whose territory includes Panama, Costa Rica, Guatemala, El Salvador, Nicaragua and Honduras (does anyone still think Tampa and Orlando are big territories?). He delivered a solid, heartfelt speech. But before he did, the club officially welcomed me to Panama. Franz invited me to the podium and sang my praises and then asked me to deliver a few words…in Spanish. It's a good thing I’d been keeping up with my Sabado Gigante. I spoke for a few minutes and presented them with one of my banners from my sponsor club in Clearwater, Club 4262 -Thanks, Sondra!

They were very appreciative and excited to have a Rotary scholar on board for a year. I guess I’m the only scholar that’s been to Panama in a while, and definitely the only one here right now. Rotary- send some more scholars! This place offers a perfect opportunity for any scholar.

The Rotarians have asked me to attend some of their events and partake in the meeting each week. My host counselor and other Rotarians have also promised a home cooked meal soon. I love Latin American hospitality – it's very genuine and sincere.

Vote early and vote often

It's a good time to be here -there was a referendum last Sunday to determine whether the country will spend over 5.25 kerbillion dollars to modernize and expand the 92-year old canal to allow super container ships to squeeze through.

It was such an interesting campaign – the “Yes” side in favor of expansion was being funded by public monies because the president supports widening the 50-mile canal. It was such a rush job that they haven’t even done a valid environmental impact study.

The “Yes” money seemed to go a long way. I saw mostly PR and marketing in favor of the expansion. From a PR perspective, it’s pretty exciting.

With an incredible 60% abstention rate, the expansion passed with almost 80% in favor. Even though the percentage in favor was so high, the opposition still claimed voting fraud. Typical. My crack research leads me to believe the vote is legit: I tried to vote, and they wouldn't let me...something about not being Panamanian...



I was fortunate to be in the old part of town on Friday and caught a full demonstration and march opposing the referendum. The few people against were pretty passionate about stopping the expansion. Since my camera battery died, I had to take some shoddy pics on my cell phone. As soon as I figure out how to transfer them, I’ll add them here.

Canal tid bits

Interesting facts about the canal:

* Ships passing through the canal pay tolls. Canal authorities even charged U.S. adventurer Richard Halliburton to swim the 50-mile-long (80-km) canal in 1928. It was the lowest ever toll charged at $0.36.

* When opened in 1914, the canal was the single most expensive project ever undertaken by the United States at a cost of $375 million, four times the price of the Suez Canal. France had started building the waterway in the 19th century but gave up after its project went bankrupt.

* France's Paul Gauguin, one of the leading painters of the post-impressionist period, helped to dig the Panama Canal as a laborer briefly. But he found the work tough and he left the country after he was arrested for urinating in public. From 1891 he lived in Tahiti and elsewhere in the South Pacific.

* The planned expansion entails building new locks that will measure 1,400 feet (427 meters) long and 180 feet (55 meters) wide -- 40 percent longer and 64 percent wider than existing ones. If laid on end, these canal chambers would stand taller than the 102-floor Empire State Building in New York.

* With the expansion, the Panama Canal Authority that runs the waterway says contributions to federal government coffers will skyrocket. By 2025, the canal will provide $4.25 billion per year to the government, an almost tenfold increase from current levels.

Drumline

I caught these guys having a jam session right outside of Panama del Viejo - the ruins of the original city built in the 1500s. They were pretty cool kids and loved watching the replays on my digital camera. I don't think they'd ever seen themselves on video before.

Panamanian alarm clock

This is what wakes me up most mornings...picture a guy in a pickup truck sitting on a massive pile of freshly picked vegetables shouting on a loudspeaker. "I've got carrots...onions...tomatoes"...over and over.

The first time I heard it, I thought we were under attack.

Panama's John Popper

I found this guy on Avenida Central, the main pedestrian street in the city.

Rub a dub

I find it ironic that the most dangerous thing I've had to face in Central America is my shower head. This thing is going to kill me some day.

What you’re looking at is my shower with a water heater attachment. Since there aren’t many water heaters here, this seems the best way to get a hot shower. I just wish the wires weren’t so exposed. Last time I checked water and electricity don’t mix too well.

Death by electrocution can’t be too bad can it? Hey, at least I’ll be clean.